Quotations

A

Edward Abbey 1927-1989

A critic is to an author as a fungus to an oak

A good writer must have more than vin rose in his veins, use more than Chablis for ink

A leader leads from in front, by the power of example. A ruler pushes from behind, by means of the club, the whip, the power of fear

America My Country: last nation on earth to abolish human slavery; first of all nations to drop the nuclear bomb on our fellow human beings

By the age of eighteen, a human has acquired enough joy and heartache to provide the food of reflection for a century

Cowboys make better lovers: Ask any cow

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell

How long does it take to write a good book? All of the years that you've lived

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork

'Rock': music to hammer out fenders by. Music for vomiting to after a hard day spreading asphalt. Vietnam music. Imitation-Afro, industrial air-compressor music

Society is like a stew. If you don't keep it stirred up, you get a lot of scum on top

'The mind is everything,' wrote Proust. No doubt true, when you're dead from the neck down

The plow has probably done more harm -in the long run - than the sword

The rich are not very nice. That's why they're rich

The world is wide and beautiful. But almost everywhere, the children are dying

There has got to be a God; the world could not have become so fucked up by chance alone

There is no force more potent in the modern world than stupidity fuelled by greed

There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience.
And then there is California

We have the best politicians that money can buy

We should restore the practice of duelling. It might improve manners around here

When the situation is hopeless, there's nothing to worry about

When the writer has done his best, he then should proceed to do his second best

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem

Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable

Henry Brooks Adams 1838-1918

Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organization of hatred

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts

Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts

Simplicity is the most deceitful mistress that ever betrayed man

There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence

A friend in power is a friend lost

The press is the hired agent of a monied system, and set up for no other purpose than to tell lies where their interests are involved. One can trust nobody and nothing

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by

Morality is a private and costly luxury

Douglas Adams 1952-2001

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...or, as his wife would have it, an idiot

Franklin Pierce Adams 1881-1960

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time

Scott Adams 1957-

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge

Normal people .. believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done

The only risk of failure is promotion

Dogbert: If there are no stupid questions, then what sort of questions do stupid people ask?

Joseph Addison 1672-1719

One should take good care not to grow too wise for so great a pleasure of life as laughter

Reading is a basic tool in the living of a good life.

The utmost extent of man's knowledge, is to know that he knows nothing.

Their is no defense against criticism except obscurity.

Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves

... Woman .... [I] have in particular observed, that in all ages they have been more careful then the men to adorn that part of the head, which we generally call the outside

Aesop 550 BC

Beware that you do not lose the substance by grasping at the shadow

It is not only fine feathers that make fine birds

The gods help them that help themselves

Don't count your chickens before they are hatched

Alain (Émile-Auguste Chartier) 1868-1951

Nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when you only have one

James Agate 1877-1947

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't feel like it. An amateur is a man who can't do his job when he does feel like it

Woody Allen (Allen Stewart Konigsberg) 1935

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Maya Angelou 1928

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life'

The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear

Aristotle BC 384-322

When he was asked, What is a friend?
he said, One soul inhabiting two bodies

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet

Dignity does not consist of possessing honours, but in deserving them

Inferiors revolt so that they may be equal, and equals so that they may be superior

Wit is educated insolence

The gods too are fond of a joke

Sholem Asch 1880-1957

The lash may force men to physical labour; it cannot force them to spiritual creativity

It has to be said that writing comes more easily if you have something to say

Justin Brooks Atkinson 1894-1984

After each war there is a little less democracy to save

Alan Ayckbourn 1939

I was brought up to believe it was very insulting to sleep with your wife or any lady. A gentleman stays eagerly awake. He sleeps at his work

B

Francis Bacon 1561-1626

Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man

I have often though upon death, and find it the least of all evils

It is a strange desire to seek power and to lose liberty

Money is like muck, not good except it be spread

There is nothing makes a man suspect much, more than to know little

Books must follow sciences, and not sciences books

Hope is a good breakfast, but a bad supper

Nothing doth more hurt in a state than that cunning men pass for wise

Beauty is like a rich stone, best plain set

Houses are built to live in and not to look on

To spend too much time in studies is sloth

The folly of one man in the fortune of the other; for no man prospers so suddenly as by the others' errors

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds

Knowledge is power

A man that is young in yours may be old in hours if he has lost no time

Some book are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds

If any human being earnestly desire to push on to new discoveries instead of just retaining and using the old; to win victories over Nature as a worker rather than over hostile critics as a disputant; to attain, in fact, clear and demonstrative knowledge instead of attractive and probable theory; we invite him as a true son of Science to join our ranks

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humour to console him for what he is

It is impossible to love and to be wise

Universities incline wits to sophistry and affectation

Pat Bahn

If the human mind were simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it

Arthur Balfour 1848-1930

History does not repeat itself. Historians repeat each other.

John Barrymore 1882-1942

The good die young - because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good

You never realise how short a month is until you pay alimony

Marie Bashkirtseff 1858-1884

Let us love dogs, let us love only dogs! Men and cats are unworthy creatures.

Henry Ward Beecher 1813-1878

There are three schoolmasters for everybody that will employ them - the senses, intelligent companions, and books

When is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?

Max Beerbohm 1872–1956

You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind-legs. But by standing a whole flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men

Brendan Behan 1923-1964

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves

Alan Bennett 1934-

I am never so utterly at peace as blackberrying or looking for mushrooms

HEADMASTER: Of course they're out of date. Standards are always out of date. That is what makes them standards

Milton Berle 1908-2002

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours

Bernard Berenson 1865-1919

Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago

Ingrid Bergman 1915-1982

Some women blush when they are kissed; some call for the police, some swear; some bite. But the worst are those who laugh

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get

Happiness is good health and a bad memory

Ambrose Bierce 1842-1914

Acquaintance: A person who we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to

Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be

Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure

Love: the temporary insanity curable by marriage

History: an account mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools

Idiot: a member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling

Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic

Pray: to ask that the laws of the universe by annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy

Revolution: In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment

To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice

Josh Billings [Henry Wheeler Shaw] 1818-1885

To enjoy a good reputation, give publicly and steal privately

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so

Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand

The trouble ain't that people are ignorant: it's that they know so much that ain't so

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting things he has got

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand

There are many people who mistake their imagination for their memory

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the advice he wants, and I give it to him

Nature never makes blunders; when she makes a fool she means it

My advice to those that are about the begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other

Blackadder (Richard Curtis, Rowan Atkinson, Ben Elton)

Blackadder Bad weather is God's way of telling us to burn more Catholics

HP Blavatsky 1831-1891

Knowledge increases in proportion to its use - that is, the more we teach the more we learn

Arthur Bloch 1948

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on

A Conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking

The Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent

Boethius 480-524

In other living creatures ignorance of self is nature; in man it is vice

Niels Bohr 1885-1962

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field

Prediction is difficult, especially about the future

Not only does God play dice with the universe, he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen

Anyone who says that they can contemplate quantum mechanics without becoming dizzy has not understood the concept in the least

Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think

Erma Bombeck 1927-1996

But some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there

Guilt: the gift that goes on giving

Napoleon Bonaparte 1769-1821

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake

Kenneth Ewart Boulding 1910-1993

Peace is the skillful management of conflict

Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist

Ashleigh Brilliant [Ashleigh Warren] 1933

The trouble is that sex is a force of nature, and reason is not

The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other

I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common?

I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been from you

By accepting you as you are, I do not necessarily abandon all hope of your improving

We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault

Sometimes the best way to be useful is to get out of somebody's way

Success for some people, depends on becoming well-known; for others, it depends on never being found out

The closest you will ever come in this life to an orderly universe is a good library

My biggest problem is what to do about all the things I can't do anything about

If I had more skill in what I'm attempting, I wouldn't need so much courage

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating

Anthony Burgess 1917-1993

The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it

We all need money, but there are degrees of desperation

Edmund Burke 1729-1797

Education is the cheap defence of nations

History is a pact between the dead, the living and the yet unborn

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing

Samuel Butler 1835-1902

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept

The oldest books are still only just out to those that have not read them

Silence is not always tact, and it is tact that is golden, not silence

Lord Byron 1788-1824

Folly loves the martyrdom of Fame

The dew of compassion is a tear

C

Simon Cameron 1799-1889

An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought

Albert Camus 1913-1960

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people slept

What is a rebel? A man who says no

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower

By definition, a government has no conscience. Sometimes it has a policy, but nothing more

Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better

It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money

It is normal to give away a little of one's life in order not to lose it all

The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants

There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn

Dale Carnegie 1888-1955

Any fool can criticise, condemn, and complain - and most fools do

George Carlin 1937

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live

I've never had a 10, but one night I had five twos

Lewis Caroll [Charles Dodgson] 1832-1898

It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards, the Queen remarked

Pierre Charron 1541-1603

He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it

G.K. Chesterton 1874-1936

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it

The chief object of education is not to learn things but to unlearn things

No man who worships education has got the best out of education... Without a gentle contempt for education no man's education is complete

Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated. [New York Times, 1931]

Education is simply the soul of a society as it passes from one generation to another

I've searched all the parks in all the cities and found no statues of committees

The reformer is always right about what is wrong. He is generally wrong about what is right

A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese

Artistic temperament is the disease that afflicts amateurs

The only defensible war is a war of defence

Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions

Sir Winston Churchill 1874-1965

He's [Attlee] a sheep in sheep's clothing

Mr Attlee is a modest man. But then he has much to be modest about

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire

The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes

True genius resides in the in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it

Marcus Tillius Cicero 106-43 BC

No sane man will dance

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need

A room without books is like a body without a soul

There are more men ennobled by study than by nature

An unjust peace is better than a just war

Anyone can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error

The more laws, the less justice

To live long, it is necessary to live slowly

To know nothing of what happened before you were born is to remain forever a child

Charles Caleb Colton 1780-1832

Examinations are formidable, even to the best prepared, as the greatest fool can ask more than the wisest man can answer

When you have nothing to say, say nothing

Frank Moore Colby 1865-1925

I have found some of the best reasons I ever had for remaining at the bottom simply by looking at the men at the top

Confucius 551-479 BC

Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life

To be wrong is nothing unless you continue to remember it

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change

Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand

Cyril 1903-1974

No city should be too large for a man to walk out of in a morning

As repressed sadists are supposed to become policemen or butchers so those with an irrational fear of life become publishers

Virginia Cowles 1910–1983

I kiss your hand, madam...........a second choice of course

D

Lord Darling (Robert Charles Henry Darling) 1849-1936

In England, justice is open to all, like the Ritz Hotel

Charles Darwin 1809-1882

It is not the strongest of the species that survives,nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change

The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference

A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life

Man tends to increase at a greater rate than his means of subsistence

If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin

W. Edwards Deming 1900-1993

Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival

George Dennison 1802-1870

When a young man complains that a young lady has no heart, it's pretty certain that she has his

Chauncey Depew 1834-1928

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are

Philip K. Dick 1928-1982

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

The trouble with being educated is that it takes a long time; it uses up the better part of your life and when you are finished what you know is that you would have benefited more by going into banking

Denis Diderot 1713-1784

How old the world is! I walk between two eternities.... What is my fleeting existence in comparison with that decaying rock, that valley digging its channel ever deeper, that forest that is tottering and those great masses above my head about to fall? I see the marble of tombs crumbling into dust; and yet I don't want to die!

There are things I can't force. I must adjust. There are times when the greatest change needed is a change of my viewpoint

The best mannered people make the most absurd lovers

The possibility of divorce renders both marriage partners stricter in their observance of the duties they owe to each other. Divorces help to improve morals and to increase the population

From fanaticism to barbarism is only one step

Paul Dirac 1902-1984

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite

Benjamin Disraeli 1804-1881

Many thanks for your book; I shall lose no time in reading it

The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it

The fool wonders, the wise man asks

Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much, are the three pillars of learning

Bore: one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics

A Conservative Government is an organized hypocrisy

Nobody is forgotten when it is convenient to remember him

Isaac D'Israeli 1766-1848

Fortune has rarely condescended to be the companion of genius

Fats Domino [Antoine Dominique Domino] 1928

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D.
Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 1859-1930

It is a capital mistake to theorise before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts

Alexandre Dumas 1824-1895

The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it, sometimes three

Will Durant 1885-1981

Sixty years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing; education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance

E

Abba Eban 1915-2002

History teaches that men behave wisely once they have exhausted all alternatives

Umberto Eco 1932-

Fear prophets and those prepared to die for the truth, for as a rule they make many others die with them, often before them, at times instead of them

Thomas A. Edison 1847-1931

Show me a thoroughly satisfied man - and I will show you a failure

Albert Einstein 1879-1955

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed

The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

God is clever, but not dishonest

Everything should be made as simple as possible; but not simpler

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

If A equals success, then the formula is: A=X+Y+Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut

Information is not knowledge

Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere

Imagination is more important than knowledge

When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking

I have no particular talent. I am merely inquisitive

It's not that I'm so smart , it's just that I stay with problems longer

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor

Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater

You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else

Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it

I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education

One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year

If I would be a young man again and had to decide how to make my living, I would not try to become a scientist or scholar or teacher. I would rather chose a plumber or peddler in the hope to find a modest degree of independence still available under present circumstances

Evil triumphs when good people do nothing

The world is a dangerous place. Not because of the people who are evil; but because of the people who don't do anything about it

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed

To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind

Generations to come will find it difficult to believe that a man such as Gandhi ever walked the face of this earth

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones

The faster you go, the shorter you are

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once

I like to think that the moon is there even if I am not looking at it

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. _that's_ relativity

George Eliot (Mary Ann Cross) 1819-1880

First love, like the first poem, is best forgotten

He was like a cock who thought that the sun had risen to hear him crow

The happiest women, like the happiest nations, have no history

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact

George Ellis [Sir George Gander] 1753-1815

'The Twelve Months'
Snowy, Flowy, Blowy, Showery, Flowery, Bowery, Hoppy, Croppy, Droppy, Breezy, Sneezy, Freezy

Harlan Ellison 1934-

The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity

I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid

Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882

Big jobs usually go to the men who prove their ability to outgrow small ones

Intellect annuls fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free

Shallow men believe in luck, wise and strong men in cause and effect

Never read a book that is not a year old

A man's library is a sort of harem

Science does not know its debt to imagination

Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait

Common sense is genius dressed in working clothes

Foolish legislation is a rope of sand, which perishes in the twisting

Marian Engel 1933-1985

There is a difference between art and life and that difference is readability

Epictetus 50-138

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will

Only the educated are free

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak

Eramus 1465-1536

When I get a little money, I buy books; and if any is left I buy food and clothes

Evan Esar 1899-1995

Many a beautiful girl ruins her charm by using the four-letter words - like 'don't' and 'stop'

Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them

MC Escher 1898-1972

He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder

F

Richard Feynman 1918-1988

We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not worry about the blind alleys or describe how you had the wrong idea at first, and so on. So there isn't any place to publish, in a dignified manner, what you actually did in order to get to do the work
What do you care what other people think?

To every man is given the key to the gates of heaven;
the same key opens the gates of hell
The Character of Physical Law

In general we look for a new law by the following process. First we guess it. Then we compute the consequences of the guess to see what would be implied if this law that we guessed is right. Then we compare the result of the computation to nature, with experiment or experience, compare it directly with observation, to see if it works. If it disagrees with experiment it is wrong. In that simple statement is the key to science. It does not make any difference how beautiful your guess is. It does not make any difference how smart you are, who made the guess, or what his name is -- if it disagrees with experiment it is wrong. That is all there is to it

WC Fields 1880-1946

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people

I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake
- which I also keep handy

Once... in the wild's of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child--if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender

If at first you don't succeed, try, try, and try again. Then give up. There's no use being a damned fool about it

Start every day with a smile and get it over with

There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation

I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad

When Louis B. Mayer (head of MGM) invited him to a round of golf:
My boy, when I want to play with a prick, I'll play with my own

Sir Ronald A. Fisher 1890-1962

Our view. . . is that it is an essential characteristic of experimentation that it is carried out with limited resources, and an essential part of the subject of experimental design to ascertain how these should be best applied; or, in particular, to which causes of disturbance care should be given, and which ought to be deliberately ignored

Phineas Fletcher 1582-1650

Love is like linen - often changed, the sweeter

Errol Flynn 1909-1959

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income

Malcolm S Forbes 1919-1990

Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one

Brendan Francis 1923-1964

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less

Benjamain Franklin 1706-1790

Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead

Half the truth is often a great lie

Well done is better than well said

Words may show a man's wit but actions his meaning

Folly is wisdom spun too fine

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals

Originality is the art of concealing your sources

Frederick II, (Frederick the Great) 1712-1786

If I wished to punish a province, I would have it governed by philosophers

Robert Frost 1874-1963

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office

A liberal is a man too broad-minded to take his own side in a quarrel

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer

Robert Fulghum 1937-

Sticks and stones will break our bones, but words will break our hearts..

Thomas Fuller 1654-1734

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him

He that plants trees loves others beside himself

Bad excuses are worse than none

Choose a wife rather by your ear than your eye

Wine hath drowned more men than the sea

G

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi 1869-1948

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?

Paul Gauguin 1848-1903

Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge

Chief Dan George (Geswanouth Slahoot) 1899–1981

When the white man came, we had the land and they had the bibles. Now they have the land and we have the bibles

John Paul Getty 1892-1976

If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars

WS Gilbert 1836-1911

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he is a dirty little beast

Jean Giraudoux

Only the mediocre are always at their best

Bhagavad Gita BC 400

As a man can drink water from any side of a full tank, so the skilled theologian can wrest from any scripture that which will serve his purpose

Max Gluckman, (American anthropologist)

A science is any discipline in which the fool of this generation can go beyond the point reached by the genius of the last generation

Goethe 1749-1832

He who possesses art and science has religion; he who does not possess them, needs religion

Of all thieves fools are the worst; they rob you of time and temper

Everything has been thought of before, but the problem is to think of it again

Few people have the imagination for reality

Edward Gibbon 1737-1794

I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect

H

Robert Hall 1764-1831

He might have been a very clever man by nature, but he had laid so many books on his head that his brain could not move

Lord Harlech (David Ormsby Gore) 1918-1985

In the end it may well be that Britain will be honored by historians more for the way she disposed of an empire than for the way in which she acquired it

Heinrich Heine

Ordinarily he is insane, but he has lucid moments when he is only stupid

Joseph Heller 1923-1999

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them

He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody

Prostitution gives her a chance to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise and it keeps her out of trouble

Herodotus 484-425 BC

The worst pain a man can suffer: to have insight into much and power over nothing

Benny Hill 1924-1992

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect

John Andrew Holmes

It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others

Alfred Edward Housman 1859-1936

Statistics in the hands of an engineer are like a lamppost to a drunk-they're used more for support than illumination

Elbert Hubbard 1859-1915

Luck is tenacity of purpose

Failure - The man who can tell others what to do and how to do it, but never does it himself

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit

Character is the result of two things:
Mental attitude and the way we spend our time

Victor Hugo 1802-1885

Our acts make or mar us, we are the children of our own deeds

I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed through his shoes, - and the stars through his soul

The wicked envy and hate; it is their way of admiring

When a woman is talking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes

Short as life is, we make it still shorter by the careless waste of time

He who opens a school door, closes a prison

Joy's smile is much closer to tears than laughter

People do not lack strength; they lack will

Popularity? It is glory's small change

David Hume 1711-1776

Human life is more governed by fortune than by reason

The richest genius, like the most fertile soil, when uncultivated, shoots up into the rankest weeds

Aldous Huxley 1884-1963

Chastity - the most unnatural of the sexual perversions

Science has 'explained' nothing; the more we know the more fantastic the world becomes and the profounder the surrounding darkness

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored

I

William Ralph Inge (Dean Inge of St Paul's London) 1860-1954

A nation is a society united by delusion about its ancestry and by a common hatred of its neighbours

The vulgar mind always mistakes the exceptional for the important

The enemies of freedom do not argue; they shout and they shoot

A cat can be trusted to purr when she is pleased, which is more than can be said for human beings

Robert G. Ingersoll 1833-1899

In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments - there are consequences

Few Rich men own their own property. The property owns them

In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous

It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense

Richard Ingrams 1937

I have come to regard the law courts not as a cathedral but rather as a casino

J

Philander Chase Johnson

Cheer up! the worst is yet to come!

Dr Samuel Johnson 1709-1784

Patriotism: The last refuge of the Scoundrel

Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise

The next best thing to knowing something is knowing where to find it

Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good

Franklin P Jones 1887-1929

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

Ben Jonson 1573-1637

He that was only taught by himself had a fool for his master

K

Lord Kelvin 1824-1907

X-Rays are a hoax

Martin Luther King, Jr 1929-1968

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends

He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity

If we assume that mankind has a right to survive, then we must find an alternative to was and destruction. In our day of space vehicles and guided ballistic missiles, the choice is wither nonviolence or nonexistence

Rudyard Kipling 1865-1936

Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves

Till the Devil whispered behind the leaves
'It's pretty, but is it Art?'

Ye thought? Ye are not paid to think

Brad Kozak

Getting a date with a girl is a lot like getting a loan from a bank -- to get one, you must first prove that you don't need one

Stanley Kubrick 1928-1999

The great nations have always acted like gangsters, and the small nations like prostitutes

The destruction of this planet would have no significance on a cosmic scale

L

Fran Lebowitz 1950

Life it something to do when you can't get to sleep

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies

Lenin (Vladimir Ilich Ulyanov) 1870-1924

While the State exists, there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State

JE Levine(American Film Producer)

You can fool all of the people all of the time, if the advertising is right, and the budget is big enough

George Christoph Lichtenberg 1742-1799

Sometimes men come by the name of genius in the same way that certain insects come by the name of centipede - not because they have a hundred feet, but because most people can't count above fourteen

Some people read because they are too lazy to think

Most subjects at universities are taught for no other purpose than that they may be re-taught when the students become teachers

I am always grieved when a man of real talent dies. The world needs such men more than Heaven does

To read means to borrow; to create out of one's readings is paying off one's debts

I forget the greater part of what I read, but all the same it nourishes my mind

Gerald F. Lieberman

If she looks young - she's old. If she looks old - she's young. If she looks back......follow her

Abraham Lincoln 1809-1865

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves

LL Livinson

I wish I had know you when you were alive

Livy 59BC - 17AD

Men are seldom blessed with good fortune and good sense at the same time

David Lodge

Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way round

Lazarus Long

The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning, while those other subjects merely require scholarship

Konrad Lorenz 1903-1989

Truth in science can be defined as the working hypothesis best suited to open the way to the next better one

M

Rose Macaulay 1889-1958

It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead

Captain Fredrick Marryart 1792-1848

White lies are but the ushers to black ones

Groucho Marx 1890-1977

Those are my principles. If you don't like them ............. I have others

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked

Abraham Maslow 1908-1970

When the only tool you have is a hammer, then every problem begins to look like a nail

W Somerset Maugham 1874-1965

Only a mediocre man is always at his best

George McGovern 1922

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in

Golda Meir 1898-1978

Don't be humble, you're not that great

Henry Louis Mencken 1880-1956

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers

A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom

The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt

There are people who read too much: the bibliobibuli. I know some who are constantly drunk on books, as other men are drunk on whiskey or religion. They wander through this most diverting and stimulating of worlds in a haze, seeing nothing and hearing nothing

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favour of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office

A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier

Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it

Don't overestimate the decency of the human race

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry

Sunday: A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing

A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop

Adultery is the application of democracy to love

On one issue, at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women

Masculinity and stupidity are often indistinguishable

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier

All government, of course, is against liberty

Most people want security in this world, not liberty

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard

Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods

I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone

Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them

The worst government is the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under

Michelangelo 1474-1564

If people knew how hard I have to work to gain my mastery it wouldn't seem wonderful at all

Genius is eternal patience

George Mikes 1912

Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles

AA Milne 1882-1956 [Winnie-the-Pooh]

For I am a bear of very little brain, and big words bother me

My spelling is wobbly. It is good spelling but it wobbles

Wilson Mizner

When you take stuff from one writer, it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research

Moliere (J.B.Poquelin) 1622-1673

I assure you that a learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool

It is a public scandal that offends; to sin in secret is no sin at all

Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money

All the ills of mankind, all the tragic misfortunes that fill the history books, all the political blunders, all the failures of the great leaders have arisen merely from a lack of skill at dancing

Michel de Montaigne 1533-1592

He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows that his reason is weak.

Ambition is not a vice of little people.

An untempted woman cannot boast of her chastity.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened.

We only labor to stuff the memory, and leave the conscience and the understanding unfurnished and void.

Baron de Montesquieu (Charles) 1689-1755

I can assure you that no kingdom has ever had as many civil wars as the kingdom of Christ

A man should be mourned at his birth, not at his death

Religious wars are not caused by the fact that there is more than one religion, but by the spirit of intolerance...the spread of which can only be regarded as the total eclipse of human reason

The less men think, the more they talk

JM Morton

Monogamy: An obsolete word meaning a fidelity complex

Farley Mowat

Truth I have no trouble with, it's the facts I get all screwed up

Daniel Patrick Moynihan 1927-2003

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but they are not entitled to their own facts

Maureen Murphy

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces

N

Vladimir Nabokov 1899-1977

I confess, I do not believe in time

Ogden Nash 1902-1971

Candy, Is dandy, But liquor, Is quicker

John von Neumann 1903-1957

There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're talking about

It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years
(said in 1949)

Isaac Newton 1642-1727

If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants

We build too many walls and not enough bridges

If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent.

O

Robert Orben

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian

Austin O'Malley

An Englishman thinks seated; a Frenchman, standing; an American, pacing; an Irishman, afterwards

PJ O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible

George Orwell (Eric Blair) 1903-1950

Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind

At 50, every one has the face he deserves

Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs on one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them

As with the Christian religion, the worst advertisment for Socialism is its adherents

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket

Ovid 43BC - 17AD

If you want to be loved, be loveable

P

Pablo Picasso 1881-1973

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone

Louis Pasteur 1822-1895

Chance favors prepared minds

Dorothy Parker 1893-1967

Say When
After this Drink

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think

That woman can speak eighteen languages, and she can't say No in any of them

If all the girls attending the Yale Prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised

Northcote Parkinson

The man who is denied the opportunity of taking decisions of importance begins to regard as important the decisions he is allowed to take

Casare Pavese 1908-1950

Lessons are not given, they are taken

Emo Philips

...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said 'A truck!'..

Sylvia Plath 1932-1963

Kiss me and you will see how important I am

Plato 428-348 BC

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something

There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot

There are three classes of men - lovers of wisdom, lovers of honour, lovers of gain

Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty

It is only the dead who have seen the end of war

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance

He was a wise man who invented God

Love is a serious mental disease

At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet

The passionate are like men standing on their heads; they see all things the wrong way

Henri Poincaire 1854-1912

Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science

Alexander Pope 1688-1744

Pride, the never failing vice of fools

To err is human, to forgive, divine

For fools rush in where angels fear to tread

A little learning is a dangerous thing

Karl Popper 1982

Science may be described as the art of systematic over-simplification

Anthony Powell 1905

Parents - especially step-parents - are sometimes a bit of a disappointment to their children. They don't fulfil the promise of their early years

Terry Pratchett 1948

Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on

SUSAN: And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement and trespass charges already mentioned and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy any more. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done. Which proves that you can be excused just about anything if you're a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions

DEATH: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom
Hogfather

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it

'I meant,' said Ipslore bitterly, 'what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?' Death thought about it 'Cats,' he said eventually, 'Cats are Nice'

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded

Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out til too late that he's been playing with two queens all along

Michael Pritchard

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing

Q

R

Ayn Rand 1905-1982

Achieving life is not the equivalent of avoiding death

Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?

The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me

There can be no such thing, in law or in morality, as actions to an individual, but permitted to a mob

The idea that 'the public interest' supersedes private interests and rights can have but one meaning: that the interests and rights of _some_ individuals take precedence over the interests and rights of others

The man who lets a leader prescribe his course is a wreck being towed to the scrap heap

There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist

Power-lust is a weed that grows only in the vacant lot of an empty mind

Do not ever say that the desire to 'do good' by force is a good motive. Neither power-lust nor stupidity are good motives

Individual rights are not subject to a public vote; a majority has no right to vote away the rights of a minority; the political function of rights is precisely to protect minorities from oppression by majorities (and the smallest minority on earth is the individual)

The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws

We are fast approaching the stage of the ultimate inversion: the stage where the government is free to do anything it pleases, while the citizens may act only by permission; which is the stage of the darkest periods of human history, the stage of rule by brute force

A government is the most dangerous threat to man's rights: it holds a legal monopoly on the use of physical force against legally disarmed victims

John Ray 1627-1705

Learning makes the wise wiser and the fool more foolish

Ernest Renan 1823-1892

The simplest schoolboy is now familiar with truths for which Archimedes would have sacrificed his life

As a rule, all heroism is due to a lack of reflection, and thus it is necessary to maintain a mass of imbeciles. If they once understand themselves the ruling men will be lost

Will Rogers 1879-1935

There is nothing so stupid as an educated man, if you get off the thing he was educated in

Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects

There is only one thing that can kill the movies; and that is education

Don't believe anything you read and only half of what you see

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer

People talk peace. But men give their life's work to war. It wont stop til there is as much brains and scientific study put to aid peace as there is to promote war

Take diplomacy out of a war and the thing would fall flat in a week

Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it

No nation ever had two better friends that we have. You know who they are? The Atlantic and Pacific oceans

We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others

I dont care how little your country is, you got a right to run it like you want to. When the big nations quit meddling then the world will have peace

Elihu Root 1845-1937

Men do not fail; they give up trying

Eleanor Roosevelt 1884-1962

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent

Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product

Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one

It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself

Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes

Understanding is a two-way street

It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness

When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die

Jules Renard 1864-1910

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties

Helen Rowland

When you see what some girls marry, you realise how much they must hate to work for a living

One man's folly is another man's wife

Bertrand Russell 1872-1970

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important

Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so

Science is what you know, philosophy is what you don't know

Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education

Dora Russell (Countess Russel) 1894-1986

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important

Marriage, laws, the police, armies and navies are the mark of human incompetence

Ernest. Rutherford 1871-1937

All science is either physics or stamp collecting

The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't

We don't have the money so we will have to think

S

Saki (Hector Hugo Munro) 1870-1933

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation

Children with Hyacinth's temperament don't know better as they grow older; they merely know more

Carl Sagan 1934-199?

All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown

George Santayana 1863-1952

Fanaticism consists in redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim

Nothing is really so poor and melancholy as art that is interested in itself and not in its subject

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval

Fashion is something barbarous, for it produces innovation without reason and imitation without benefit

History is a pack of lies about events that never happened told by people who weren't there

Oxford, the paradise of dead philosophies

To know what people really think, pay regard to what they do, rather than what they say

Jean-Paul Sartre 1905-1980

When the rich wage war it's the poor who die

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you

Seneca 3BC-65AD

It is not goodness to be better than the very worst

There is no genius free from some tincture of madness

Since learned men have appeared, good men have become rare

Charles Prestwich Scott 1846-1932

Television? The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it

Dr. Seuss 1904-1991

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams

William Shakespeare 1904-1991

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers
Henry VI (Part 2)

George Bernard Shaw 1856-1950

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten

He who can does. He who can't, teaches

A learned man is an idler who kills time by study

England and America are two countries divided by a common language

Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same

Youth is a wonderful thing; what a crime to waste it on children

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it

Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty

Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances that they want, and if they can't find them, make them

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance

Old men are dangerous it doesn't matter to them what is going to happen to the world

Alcohol is a very necessary article. It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning

We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it

The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity

Beware of the man who does not return your blow: he neither forgives you nor allows you to forgive yourself

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul

MENDOZA: I am a brigand: I live by robbing the rich
TANNER: I am a gentleman: I live by robbing the poor

Wilfred Sheed 1930

The American male doesn't mature until he has exhausted all other possibilities

Burton Silver [Bogor]

Some stars are much brighter than others
Bright stars are like important people. They stand out amongst the many unimportant dim ones
But dim stars aren't really dim, they just seem to be because they're far away.
I'm like that. Not really dim, just far away

Samuel Smiles 1812-1904

The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at once

FE Smith (Earl of Birkenhead) 1872-1930

JUDGE: I have read your case, Mr Smith, and I am no wiser now than I was when I started
SMITH: Possibly not, My Lord, but much better informed

JUDGE: Are you trying to show contempt for this court, Mr Smith?
SMITH: No, My Lord. I am attempting to conceal it

JUDGE WILLIS: You are an extremely offensive young man
SMITH: As a matter of fact, we both are, and the only difference between us is that I am trying to be, and you can't help it

Socrates 469-399 BC

I am a citizen, not of Athens or Greece, but of the world

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers

When the debate is over, slander becomes the tool of the loser

Watch your thoughts for they become words
Watch your words for they become actions
Watch your actions for they become character
Watch your character for it becomes your destiny

Susan Sontag 1933-2004

Books are funny little portable pieces of thought

The white race is the cancer of human history; it is the white race and it alone --- its ideologies and inventions --- which eradicates autonomous civilizations wherever it spreads, which has upset the ecological balance of the planet, which now threatens the very existence of life itself

Authoritarian political ideologies have a vested interest in promoting fear, a sense of the imminence of takeover by aliens and real diseases are useful material

So successful has been the camera's role in beautifying the world that photographs, rather than the world, have become the standard of the beautiful

Travel becomes a strategy for accumulating photographs

In the final analysis, style is art. And art is nothing more or less than various modes of stylized, dehumanized representation

I envy paranoids; they actually feel people are paying attention to them

Sanity is a cozy lie

Sophocles 495-406 BC

A lie never lives to be old

It is terrible to speak well and be wrong

There's nothing more demoralizing than money

Nobody has a more sacred obligation to obey the law than those who make the law

Heaven never helps the men who will not act

Chance never helps those who do not help themselves

Look and you will find it - what is unsought will go undetected

Herbert Spencer 1820-1903

Time: That which man is always trying to kill, but which ends in killing him

Duncan Spaeth 1868-1954

I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire, God would never trust an Englishman in the dark

Alfred Spender

The misfortune of the 'artistic temperament' is that so many people have the temperament and so few the art

Charles Haddon Spurgeon

You cannot slander human nature; it is worse than words can paint it

Charles P Steinmetz 1865-1923

No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions

Henri Stendhal 1783-1842

One can acquire everything in solitude - except character

If you don't love me, it does not matter, anyway I can love for both of us

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same

Life is too short, and the time we waste in yawning never can be regained

The first qualification for a historian is to have no ability to invent

Robert Louis Stevenson 1850-1894

Everyone lives by selling something

Books are good enough in their own way, but they are a mighty bloodless substitute for life
The cruellest lies are often told in silence

Wallace Stevens 1879-1955

A poet looks at the world as a man looks at a woman

Accuracy of observation is the equivalent of accuracy of thinking

Beneath every 'no' lays a passion for 'yes' that had never been broken

Adlai Stevenson 1900-1965

Flattery is all right if you don't inhale

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular

Tom Stoppard

I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity

Harriet Beecher Stowe 1811-1896

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone

Lytton Strachey 1880-1932

The history of the Victorian Age will never be written: we know too much about it. Ignorance is the first requisite of the historian - ignorance, which simplifies and clarifies, which selects and omits, with a placid perfection unattainable by the highest art

Anne Swetchine 1782-1857

We are rich only through what we give, and poor only through what we refuse

Publilius Syrus (BC 42)

No one ever lost his honour, except he who had it not

Thomas Szasz

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him
The Second Sin, 1973, p58

Albert von Szent-Györgyi 1893-1986

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought

A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind

T

Cornelius Tacitus 56-117

The more corrupt the state, the more laws

A desire to resist oppression is implanted in the nature of man

Many who seem to be struggling with adversity are happy; many, amid great affluence, are utterly miserable

Edward Teller 1908-2003

A fact is a simple statement that everyone believes. It is innocent, unless found guilty. A hypothesis is a novel suggestion that no one wants to believe. It is guilty, until found effective

Archbishop William Temple 1881-1944

It is a mistake to suppose that God is only, or even chiefly, concerned with religion

Christianity is the most materialistic of all great religions

Sir William Temple 1628-1699

The only way for a rich man to be healthy is by exercise and abstinence, to live as if he were poor

Dylan Thomas 1914-1953

Someone's boring me. I think it's me

The function of posterity is to look after itself

Gwyn Thomas 1936

There are still parts of Wales where the only concession to gaiety is a striped shroud

John Tillotson 1630-1694

Zeal is fit for wise men, but flourishes chiefly among fools

GM Trevelyan 1876-1962

It [education] has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading, an easy prey to sensations and cheap appeals

Socrates gave no diplomas or degrees, and would have subjected any disciple who demanded one to a disconcerting catechism on the nature of true knowledge

Mark Twain [SL Clemens] 1835-1910

When I was young, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes

Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said

An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar

It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not deserve them

To be good is noble, but to teach others to be good is nobler - and less trouble

The man who does not read good books is at no advantage over the man that can't read them

Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places

All right, then, I'll go to hell

Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Always do right: this will gratify some people and astonish the rest

It was a schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'

Man: A creature made at the end of a week's work when God was tired

Optimist: Day-dreamer more elegantly spelled

I admire him [Cecil Rhodes], I frankly confess it; and when his time comes I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake

Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does all the work

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence

All generalizations are false, including this one

History doesn't repeat itself - at best it sometimes rhymes

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained

I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse

I deal with temptation by yielding to it

Chastity - you can carry it too far

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children

Good breading consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them

R. Emmett Tyell

Women's liberationists spread the work that...the only peaceful family is one in which either the wife is enslaved or the husband in androgynous The Liberal Crack-Up, 1984, p127

Kenneth Tynan

A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car

Lao Tzu 600 BC

Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses

To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders

To realize that you do not understand is a virtue; Not to realize that you do not understand is a defect

To see things in the seed, that is genius

Truthful words are not beautiful; beautiful words are not truthful. Good words are not persuasive; persuasive words are not good

When the best leader's work is done the people say, 'We did it ourselves.'

He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty

Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading

U

Sir Peter Ustinov 1921-2004

Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first

People who reach the top of the tree are only those who haven't got the qualifications to detain them at the bottom

Unfortunately, the balance of nature decrees that a super-abundance of dreams is paid for by a growing potential for nightmares

Men think about women. Women think about what men think about them

V

Paul Valéry 1871-1945

God made everything out of nothing. But the nothingness shows through

Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content

God created man and, finding him not sufficiently alone, gave him a companion to make him feel his solitude more keenly

Science means simply the aggregate of all the recipes that are always successful. All the rest is literature

Politics is the art of preventing people from sticking their noses in things that are properly their business

Young people do not learn only in school. Their surroundings and the times in which they live have as much, if not more, influence on them than teachers

Gore Vidal

[of Ronald Reagan] A triumph of the embalmer's art

Voltaire 1694-1778

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while Nature cures the disease

In this country we find it pays to shoot an admiral from time to time to encourage the others

All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets

[Men] use thought only to justify their wrong-doings, and words only to conceal their thoughts

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities

Chance is a word void of sense, nothing can exist without a cause

Prejudices are what fools use for reason

History is nothing but a pack of tricks that we play upon the dead

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible

Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers

It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong

Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do

I hate women because they always know where things are

It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere

I disapprove of what you say, but I defend to the death your right to say it

If God made us in his image, we have certainly returned the compliment

Theological religion is the source of all imaginable follies and disturbances; it is the parent of fanaticism and civil discord; it is the enemy of mankind

Of all religions, the Christian should of course inspire the most tolerance, but until now Christians have been the most intolerant of all men

Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd, and bloody religion that has ever infected the world

The Holy Roman Empire is neither Holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies
on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan

W

Simone Weil 1909-1943

As soon as men know that they can kill without fear of punishment or blame, they kill; or at least they encourage killers with approving smiles

What a country calls its vital economic interests are not the things which enable its citizens to live, but the things which enable it to make war. Petrol is more likely than wheat to be a cause of international conflict

HG Wells 1866-1946

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo

Mae West 1893-1980

Keep a diary and one day it'll keep you

He who hesitates is last

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before

I speak two languages, Body and English

Kiss and make up--but too much makeup has ruined many a kiss

Look your best--who said love is blind?

A woman in love can't be reasonable--or she probably wouldn't be in love

Don't cry for a man who's left you, the next one may fall for your smile

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly

An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away

Sex is an emotion in motion

Edwin Whipple 1819-1886

Genius may be almost defined as the faculty of acquiring poverty

Randy Whipple

The older I get, the better I was

EB White 1899-1985

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time

The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war

To perceive Christmas through its wrapping becomes more difficult with every year

One of the most time-consuming things is to have an enemy

Oscar Wilde 1854-1900

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple

Everything in moderation. Including moderation

In married life three is company and two is none

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction

Women are made to be loved, not understood

A kiss may ruin a human life

The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read

All art is quite useless

It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art

Art never expresses anything but itself

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes

There is no sin except stupidity

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught

I am not young enough to know everything

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go

A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies

True friends stab you in the front

Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do

Alas, I am dying beyond my means

When I was young, I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating

Work is the curse of the drinking classes

I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself

Only the shallow know themselves

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability

Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is

You will care much less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between

Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations

As yet, Bernard Shaw hasn't become prominent enough to have any enemies, but none of his friends like him.

Thornton Wilder

Hindsight is always twenty twenty

HH Williams 1941

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.

Reason is emotion for the sexless

Robin Williams 1952

Politics: 'Poli' a Latin word meaning 'many'; and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet

Woodrow Wilson 1856-1924

As compared with the college politician, the real article seems like an amateur

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow

Liberty has never come from Government. Liberty has always come from the subjects of it. The history of liberty is a history of limitations of governmental power, not the increase of it

No nation is fit to sit in judgement upon any other nation

Walter Winchell

[on Hollywood]A place where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors

John Wooden 1910-

Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do

Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are

Ability is a poor man's wealth

If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything. I'm positive that a doer makes mistakes

Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out

You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one

The worst thing about new books is that they keep us from reading the old ones

A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment

Virginia Woolf 1882-1941

[of James Joyce's Ulysses] The work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples

Lizz Winstead

I think, therefore I'm single

X

Y

Edward Young 1683-1765

Some, for renown, on scraps of learning dote, And think they grow immortal as they quote

Be wise with speed; A fool at forty is a fool indeed

Be wise today: 'this madness to defer

Learning makes a man fit company for himself

Henry Youngman 1906-1998

Humor is the shortest distance between two people

Z

---

Computing

Scott Adams 1957-

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done

Jeremy S. Anderson

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence

Isaac Asimov 1920-1922

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them

Dick Brandon

Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing

Joseph Campbell 1904-1987

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy

Seymour Cray 1925-1996

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it (on virtual memory)

EW Dijkstra 1930-2002

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Testing can show the presence of errors, but not their absence

Rear Admiral Dr Grace Hopper 1906-1992

It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission

Linus Torvalds 1969-

Software is like sex: it's better when it's free

Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff on ftp, and let the rest of the world mirror it

Anonymous

Programming today is a race between software engineers stirring to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning

Bill Gates 1955

I see little commercial potential for the Internet for at least ten years
(said in 1994)

Peter Norton 1943

Computer viruses are an urban myth
(said in 1988)

CAR Hoare 1934

I don't know what the language of the year 2000 will look like, but I know it will be called Fortran
(said in 1982)

Ken Olson, president [chairman and founder of DEC] 1926

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home
(said in 1977)

John von Neumann 1903-1957

It would appear that we have reached the limits of what it is possible to achieve with computer technology, although one should be careful with such statements, as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5 years
(said in 1949)

Maurice Wilkes 1913

As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent finding mistakes in my own programs
(said in 1948)

Thomas Watson [chairman of IBM] 1874-1956

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers
(said in 1943)

---

Proverbs

Belgian Proverb

Experience is a comb that nature gives us when we are bald

Chinese Proverb

Learning is weightless... Treasure you always carry easily

Teachers open the door ... You enter by yourself

Falling hurts least those who fly low

Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up

Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand

He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever

Danish Proverb

He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning

French Proverb

Marriages are made in heaven and are consummated on earth

Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass

Greek proverb quotes

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in

Spanish Proverb

Love: What the fool does in the end, the wise man does in the beginning

A wise man changes his mind, a fool never

Swedish Proverb

Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours

Ukrainian Proverb

Love tells us many things that are not so

---

A few more unsorted

PUNCH

Darling only one more installment and Baby will be ours

Parkinson's Finding on Journals

The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published

Miss Piggy

Never eat more than you can lift

Unknown English Professor

I am not sure what this is, but an 'F' would only dignify it

English Professor, Ohio University

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top

Kevin Carson and Nick Johnson

The Carson/Johnson Law of Human Behaviour: 80% of all questions that begin with the word 'why' can be answered with the simple sentence '[because] people are stupid.'

Proverbs 12:1-2 (TEV)

Anyone who loves knowledge wants to be told when he is wrong. It is stupid to hate being corrected

Ecclesiastes 7:5 (TEV)

It is better to have wise people reprimand you than to have stupid people sing your praises

Ecclesiastes 10:15 (TEV)

Only someone too stupid to find his way home would wear himself out with work

Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes)

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us

Niven and Pournelle - The Mote in God's Eye

It's a nitwit idea. Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. The rest of the time you go by the Book, which is mostly a collection of nitwit ideas that worked

Ace and The Doctor - Remembrance of the Daleks

"Doctor, we did good, didn't we?"
"Perhaps. Time will tell. Always does."

Edmund Blackadder

And remember Baldrick, we're not at home to Mr. Cock-Up!

If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick before you start

Wall Street Record

Psychologists say people with hobbies don't go crazy but this doesn't apply to people they live with

Dunno where these came from, please let me know if you do

Dunno / Anonymous

Women who can, do. Those who cannot, become feminists

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing only when it is mistaken for a lot of knowledge

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars

Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part

Don't attribute to malice that which can be better explained by stupidity

Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house

Don't judge a book by its movie

Don't vote--it only encourages them!

Do not speak unless you can improve the silence

Early to bed--makes you healthy, wealthy and boring

Economics is called the dismal science, but that's just because most economists are dismal scientists

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her

Everyone tries to define this thing called Character. It's not hard. Character is doing what's right when nobody's looking

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored

Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

For those of you who think life is a joke, just think of the punchline

Forgive your enemies but never forget their names

Freedom is doing what you like, happiness liking what you do

Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them

Garbage In, Gospel Out

Get even...with the people that have helped you

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference

God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him

He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else

Going to school does not make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car

He who tries to forget a woman, never loved her

History doesn't repeat itself. Historians merely repeat each other

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

I knew they could pile it pretty high and pretty deep, but I never knew they could get it to talk

In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do

I understand with love comes pain, but why did I have to love so much?

Ignorance is innocence - stupidity comes with experience

If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will

Intelligence is what makes you useful ... Wisdom is what makes you tolerable

It has never been so bad, that it couldn't be worse

It is by chance that we met, by choice that we became friends

It's better to be an optimist who is sometimes wrong than a pessimist who is always right

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

Love is a thousand miles long ... but comes in six inch instalments

Men forget but never forgive. Women forgive but never forget

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over

One kiss breaches the distance between friendship and love

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional

Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, pain of love lasts a lifetime

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any

Silence is not always golden; sometimes it is yellow

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same

Smile: it's the second best thing you can do with your lips

Success is largely a matter of holding on after others have let go

Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart

The best way to succeed in this world is to act on the advice you give to others

The problem with political jokes is they get elected

There are three kinds of people - those who can count and those who can't

true friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not

We rate ability in men by what they finish, not by what they attempt

Wisdom is scar tissue in disguise

You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her

You know that you are in love when the hardest thing to do is say good-bye!!